Thursday, August 16, 2012

Coming to be: Us


I always consider myself very fortunate to have met my husband. I love the man to bits.

After almost 10 years, I think we have found a perfect balance in our relationship.

The initial honeymoon years were great. However, when we got to the middle, where we had to juggle career and young kids, we felt a little stretched and stressed. When we moved back to SG, it took us almost 2 years to feel settled and happy.

Fours years on, it's safe to say that we are in a good place right now.

What I've learnt from the last couple of years are

  • Laugh - Seriously! At anything! I kid that only we would understand the moronic humour we share. He laughs at some of the dumbest things that ever came out of my mouth.
  • Go on dates - Now that our kids are older, we get to go out more. My parents babysit a few evenings a week. So we grab the chance to catch a movie, go for a nice dinner, work out, have dinners/coffees with friends. You would know that we go away once or twice a year too, just to have a breather from the kids
  • Compliment each other - Everyone likes to be told they look nice or did something awesome. D is good at that. He's always the biggest fan of my cooking. And whenever we go out on dates, he would tell me I look pretty or I'm wearing a gorgeous dress. I usually tell him I appreciate the things he does for me.
  • Fight! (and then make up!) - Yes, you've read right. I'm quite a chilli padi. Or at least that's what I've been told. When I'm not happy about something, oh you can be sure the whole world would know about it. When I was younger, I used to hold grudges after a fight. Oh those cold wars could go on for days. I'm not sure if it's because I'm older  but I still tell the man, the way I see things. Angry words could be exchanged. The difference is, we will always almost make up immediately after as well. I guess we don't wanna waste time being angry these days.
  • Let the small things go - Sometimes things don't go according to plan. I used to get angsty when that happened. Now I've learnt to curb my tongue and be flexible.
  • Co parent - Parenting is a lifelong journey. I've always wanted an involved husband. D is very good with the kids. If I'm ever not available, he's always ready to step up to the plate. He's knows their schedule and he knows what to feed them. I never worry when they are with him. We discuss and make parenting decisions together. He doesn't question the classes I send the kids to, cause he trusts that I've done my research. It's a good balance.
  • Go out with friends - Both together and separately. We have a group of good friends we hang out often with. But we also do have separate friends that we enjoy their company too. D goes out for drinks with his boys sometimes. I go for lunches or shopping with my girlfriends. It's so good for our souls.
  • Respect - This comes in many forms. We don't check each other's phones. We don't throw anything out without asking the other person. We don't track each other's movements during the day. It's small things that makes up the trust we have for each other.
  • Spouse First, then Kids - I guess this has been preached enough. It's true that when you love your spouse first, the love will transcend down to the kids. =) I cannot tell you how true it is. But when you feel valued, you will have love overflowing to your kids. *cross my heart*
Last but not least, life is not perfect. We do fight and we do have silly little arguments/ different point of views. But every morning, I'm grateful to wake up next to him. He's makes me better. He's taught me to open my eyes to new possibilities. We're best mates and we love nothing more than to have a good laugh over just about anything. He's also given me three wonderful kids whom I love more than life. A partner to last a lifetime only comes ever so often. So I'm hanging on tight to mine. =)

7 comments:

  1. i totally agree on the fight bit! it's a form of communication too. we didn't have the honeymoon period when we first got together. instead we fought A LOT. but that helped us to build a strong foundation!

    looking forward to having more time for dates like you guys when our kids are older.

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    1. I'm all for fighting. Simply because it's better than accumulating all the anger and letting it out at one go. Plus, it gets our points across. But gotta make up la. :) Keat and you have such a good thing going too!

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  2. Awww those are good tips! I need to work on my chillipadi-ness and sharp tongue. I'm still soooo hot headed!

    Both of you are perfect for each other! It's no wonder the kiddos exude the same kind of happiness!! ;)

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    1. Haha! I don't think we can ever store away our chilli padi ness. It's what makes the relationship fun! :)))

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  3. The last point, is so important, yet to hard! I think you guys have got a great balance there. :)
    Im telling tehpeng, we need to do couple getaway when we return to SG. Totally learning from you guys. :)

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    1. Yes! Make sure you plan a super relaxing one!

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  4. Anonymous2:52 PM

    Love this entry!!! It's so very true, all ur points, and I esp like the part where u say that the spousal love will transcend upon the kids. But I'm a bit more paranoid than u. haha, so I hawk my husband more than u. haha! :)

    Oh, and good luck with the renovations!!
    The beginning part always makes it very good and hopeful. But the fuss comes in when its the finishing.... hopefully u have better luck than me. But in the end, also have to close one eye here and there... :) good luck!

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