Sunday, March 29, 2009

Saying Goodbye

Today we said goodbye to my second cousin who took his life earlier on in the week.

I was preparing the kids for school when I got the news from my sister and had to take a moment to absorb. Mummy and I then hurried down to my uncle's house to see how they were doing.

Cousin M was the loner in the family. He was a good twenty years older than me and lived a life mostly isolated in his own thoughts. Highly intelligent (he qualified to be a fighter pilot) and possessing a lot of pride, he wasn't the easiest person to have a conversation with. Only my late grandma was his only confidante and I think her passing had a strong impact on him

I usually just acknowledge him when I see him and go abouts my merry way.

He was known to have a fiery temper and more so being really sensitive to people's comments. Knowing his nature, most of his family tends to keep out of his way.

According to my cousin who lived with him, Cousin M had obvious signs of depression and schizophrenia. He was peculiar in his living habits and would do his thing whilst keeping out of my other cousin's way.

He had planned his suicide for a long time. On the day that they were informed of his death, the police told his immediate family about the notes he left for both the police and the hotel that he was in. Subsequently, they found notes in his room stating his last wishes about his funeral and even money that he saved for it.

He had packed up his belongings and labelled what he would like to do with them. And when he finally committed his final act, he did it in all certainty that he would not have a chance to survive at all.

Needless to say, the entire extended family is deeply shocked and saddened by his death.

My aunts and uncles were the most affected especially when they are the ones to see him grow up. All of them lamented his decision and what could've been.

Maybe it was his biased upbringing that led his final decision. Maybe it was the fact that his issues were obviously ignored by his immediate family, pushing it aside as it his "character". Maybe it was the enbloc of the flat that he was living in that cornered him into giving up his life. Maybe it was the combination of all things involved.

But we will never know.

All we know is he is an individual that no one had a chance to intimately know because he never allowed anyone into his heart.

Rest in peace, Kor.

I hope you are happy with your decision and I wished that life was kinder to you. I pray that God will keep the hearts of your family in His hands as they heal.

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