Monday, January 19, 2009

Lost

Lately, I have been feeling rather misplaced.

I haven't totally reconcile the fact, in my head, that I am back in Singapore for the long haul. To me, even though things are very familiar, they are also really foreign like it's part of a distant memory.

In short, I cannot believe that I am living here, instead of just passing by for a visit.

My moods are a good indication that I am feeling lost. Some days I'm really happy to be hanging around a certain part of town. Others, I would get really mad with Darien for making us move back here. Times like when we are apartment searching and nothing suitable comes up OR when we are grocery shopping and the selection of fresh produce for the kids are really crap, as compared to what they used to have.

That said, I am seeing the positive sides of the move. The kids adore their grandparents. Kayden loves his school. Jakey loves spending alone time with us. Darien likes the idea that his close friends are nearby for easy catchups.

I have yet to see any positive outcome for me. =(

I am also realising that Singapore is just not the place for fancy dress ups. Whilst I enjoy my lil shoe shopping jaunts at On Pedder and such, I acknowledge that there are not many places to go and look a lil fancy on an ordinary basis, unlike Melbourne. 

I do miss my old hometown so! I miss having my good friends around me. I miss just driving to a nearby suburb for a quick coffee. I miss the weather. I miss bringing the kids to the gardens close by for a bit of a play. I miss my old apartment. I miss seeing my husband coming home at an early time. 

Just the other day, I went for a chat about job prospects with a local recruiter and from the discussion, I can see the difference in the corporate culture. Sighz. I think I have a lot of adapting to do.

2009 is really what I expected. A year of challenge and adaptation. 

I just need to start seeing things on a brighter note and start moving in an upward motion.

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