Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Down

I hate writing about sad things.

But recent series of events have left a rather big dent in my heart.

And it made me churn out a fair few negative thoughts and circumstances that makes me feel so blue.

Whilst I can understand that we need to make sacrifices for the future and that swallowing the "growing up pill" is essential in this life, I just cannot help but feel really deflated and very very much defeated.

I have always been an optimist. I always believe that God will never give you anything that you can't handle.

But today, I just feel that I have lost that mindset and to a certain extent control over what I would like to be.

This year has been very harsh on the pockets as well as the emotions. It has been very challenging and confrontational.

So much so that I cannot fathom the possibility of a rainbow at the end of this journey.

I told the husband that we are either very brave or very stupid for choosing the journey that we are embarking on this year.

I used to think that we are brave but now I just think that we are very naive in some ways.

The boss said something quite interesting after my PRDP (which went really well) last week. I was just telling him about my plans for the next few months. And he went, "Pammie, you need to slow it down. We are all but human after all."

I really need to see beyond what I am feeling at the moment. And it's hard.

Somehow the heavy feeling in my heart still lingers.

And I'm still sad.

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