Lilac Petals: December 2004

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Sad sad day...

We had a big spat after his conversation with his mum last nite. Cos I could tell from the conversation that it had something to do with them wantin him to go back for some biz thingy. About how his dad wants to put his cousin's name into the biz and not Darien's.

I told him that it's not fair that they just assume that they can just ask him to pack up and leave, as and when they think that it's "necessary." At the end of the day, he's got commitments here that he needs to fufil too.

Not forgetting that I would not be willing to uproot myself to move back to Singapore. I would not want to subject myself to earning less than minimal wage here. And to move back in with my parents or to even have to deal with the weather. I mean, seriously, how am I going to surivive on a the salary back home? It's like what I earn in a fortnight would be a monthly wage there.

I was just telling him that while things are going well for us here and we are still young, it is the perfect opportunity for us to travel and experience different cultures. And to enjoy each other before all the real commitments like mortgage and kids come into the picture.

He mentioned that if there's a need to, he would possibly have to stay in Singapore for a month or two. And I told him that I do not care about the freaking inheritance or biz. I am never one to expect things to drop from the sky. And I dun care if he got any $ from his dad. I can stand and fight for myself and if I can get to where I am today... I dun see how things would be different.

I cried and he felt guilty for putting the both of us in a spot. Told me how much he didn't want to stay there as well and that he would discuss the option with me, if the need arises that he's not going to be here with me.

Anyway we are going back @ the end of the month. Let's see how things go... *fingers crossed*

Cynical and Unkind Thoughts

I have never been a bf mummy liker and it works both ways. Just seems like I never seem to hit it off with my partner's parents. Strange that I can get along with any other slightly elder person like my aunts or uncles or even my customers at work.

Taking this instance where I am right now. I have a great job. A good support of friends here and back home. My family's both healthy and well. I've got a fantastic apartment and a good car. My puppy is the sweetest thing that's happened to both me and Darien. And Darien himself has been the best bf ever. He always there for me and knows how I feel about certain things.

But the sad truth is that it's always a struggle to want to keep living here in Melbourne. Not financially-wise.

It just seems like his parents just dread the fact that he's got his residency here. They seem to not get the idea that he's all grown up and that he's got a life here. That he needs to be able to find out the path that life has set out for him. That he does not need to rely on working @ his father's biz to keep surviving.

Time and time again, they would come up with some crap or "urgent" scenario that would "require" his presence in Singapore. Things that they just can't seem to solve with someone else. I mean, seriously, if you keep threatening the man about his inheritance. Some day it would come to past that you are just the person who is crying wolf. What's the point of dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit when it's stuffed.

I don't know anymore. There would come a time when I have to stop fighting this battle. I hate to think that one day we might have to lead a long distance relationship. Cos I know that when that happens... things would not be rosy. I mean... you do need physical contact in a relationship. Words can only do so much. Whether you like it or not, temptations are everywhere. It strikes when you least expect it.

I mean, if your partner's family doesn't even acknowledge the fact that you are part of his life... it simply shows that culture and attitude of their upbringing. Sometimes I wonder if they realize that I am the person who is doing his laundry, cooking his meals, cleaning the house and not forgetting that I sleep next to him at night.

It is so fucked up in my point of view. I wish I can describe how mad I feel about the current situation. My mind's just so filled with hatred and anger. They should seriously get a fuckin' grip back in their la la land. End of the day... if we do get wed... they have to fucking realize that I do exist and that yes I am an intelligent human being and that I am so much more aware of things that what they know. Fucking hell... who the fuck do they think they are to ruin my night. Piss heads!

Sunday, December 26, 2004

My Two New Toys and a Movie

Had the best of time unwrapping these two prezzies yesterday.

My XBox
It was so nicely sealed. With a film on top of the console itself. I took it out of the box yesterday and connected it to the TV. The graphics was so amazing. And we had fun amusing ourselves with "The Incredibles" game. (Although I'm currently still losing to Darien)

His IPOD
Apple has got to be the most stylish company in the technical world. Cos' the packaging for the IPOD is just so amazing. When we opened the cube box that it came in, it splits into half and then the IPOD is just lying there on the right side. Anyway, had it all charged up and now we are going to load songs into it. But it is so thin and slick. So white and stylish! Love it!

Meet the Fockers
We went to Rivoli in Camberwell to watch "Meet the Fockers" yesterday afternoon. It's been a while since we last caught a show. The movie sure didn't disappoint. In fact, it turned out better than what I expected. Babra Streisand was so so good in her role. She carried out the part of the sex therapist mum so well. But story line and dialogue. was good and do look out for that cool bus that Robert De Niro drives.

Chrissy Pics!

My good bud, Dawn!

The two most important people in my life!

Tini and Me!

Picture perfect

Saturday, December 25, 2004

Christmas Eve

Yesterday was one of the better days that I had this year. I was so on a high...Went to work in the morning and the managers arranged for us to go to the Treasury Place for brekkie. Headed back for work after that to finish up some stuff. Left the office at quarter to twelve

Went to get Dawn's prezzie after that and then Darien picked me up for lunch. We went to South Melbourne with Bruce to collect the ham and to buy some food stuff before heading to Albert Park for lunch. It was such a beautiful day. Great weather and lots of people out and about.

We headed home and the treasure hunt began. He gave me a clue @ the market. And I knew where that was... In the kitchen pantry. In it was a wrapped parcel and unwrapping it, I realized that it was the XBox game - the Incredibles!!! Cool! Just wat I wanted for Christmas... I had been begging him to buy me that for Christmas! haha! It came with a second clue and that was a little tough to crack. It turned out to be at the back of the TV. haha! It was the remote control for the XBox. Next was the final thing... the machine itself!!! The clue was "Columbia" Which was the brand of our ski clothes. I was so excited and so so ecstatic abt getting the XBox! The thrill of finding the gifts have just made it more gratifying. Thank you baby. I really love it! muacks!

Was in charge of the all important role of roasting the turkey. It took 3 hours and lots of attention. And it turned out to be the most succulent turkey that I have ever eaten in my life. Got heaps of praise for that. That being said... I have to mention that Bruce did help me with moving of that big bird around his industrial strength oven

Anyway we had so much food and the guys were just playing silly drinking games. We took so many pics that night. It felt like the paparazzi was in your face... Turned out to be rather good. Other than the fact that we had to wait till 12 midnite to open our presents...

He opened his prezzie after all the greetings @ midnite. And It think he likes what he got... A 20 GB Ipod with an Itrip and extended warranty!!! Hee hee... Something that he was hoping to get and accidentally stumbled upon when he was cleaning the room. So he knew what he was getting... Sighz... but anyway it felt so good just knowing that he likes it... So at the end of the day, we both got what we wanted!!!

Got some other gifts as well. A MAC black nail polish that I always wanted and a doggie tissue holder from Hoang with a Jr. Jelly dildo too!!! (Thanks, Hoang! Hopefully it's new...) And it's pink. We are going to watch "Meet the Fockers" now. so tata!!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Christmas Party

Had the office christmas lunch yesterday @ this really dodgy looking pub/hotel at South Melbourne. Me and Dave almost got lost on our way there cos there was no obvious sign on the building itself. So we walked thru the pub, into the courtyard and it was rather small, nice & shady! The entire department was there. So we whiled our time away with drinks, antipesto and had a sit down lunch. But it was a cozy affair... and we got to mingle and get out of the office to socialize. Towards the end, the boys were doing silly things like snorting salt, downing shots and squeezing lemons into their eyes. Haha! It was hilarious...

Go see the pics here

Monday, December 20, 2004

Doggies Beach Day!

Great Sunny Day Out

Tired Papa Sunbathing...

Getting to know the doggies

Another Weekend

Had a funny dream last night... I dreamt that he proposed to me and while he was popping the question, he cried...how sweet! When I got up this morning, I had the biggest shock of my life! It felt so real... and so unexpected. I am putting the dream down to fact that before I dozed off last nite, he was just telling me that he felt so married... and I asked if it was a good thing and he said yes... guess that's what living together makes you feel...sighz...

The weekend was rather interesting. Spent both Fri nite and Sat nite out with frenz till half past four... Seriously, I think I'm over my prime. It just felt like eons ago when spending all nite out is not an issue but as I get older, the need to compensate the amount of sleep wasted seems to increase... we slept till mid day the next day.

Anyway we went to the Belgium Beer Garden on Fri nite. Darien's meant to go to another party but he bailed @ the last minute. We both took a nap from 7 to 11.30 that night... BBG was at a really nice open area @ St Kilda. There were fairy lights everywhere, especially those that they hang above. So pretty... It was cold that night... but we had a few drinks. Saw an ex-colleague there. And realized that he's a manager in Telstra now... which is a little unbelivable as he's one of the last people u ever think wld become one. We shot off to Gin Palace after that. Had a Japanese Slipper there...

We went to the beach on Sat afternoon. It was so warm... and the water was rather inviting. Brought the two puppies there to have a swim and a play on the sand. Seiko was quite happy to run into the water but Rustie needed a little bit of pushing. He makes this funny "huff huff" sound when he swims and he always tries to head back to the shore! And when he managed to get back on land, he would just head straight to rub himself in the sand.We had a bit of fun just muckin' ard with him in the water. Took some pictures of them and they turned out so cute in those pics. Went to our friend's place for chicken rice dinner after that and then we went home to bathe and change. Bruce came over after that and we headed out for supper & drinks...

Went Chrissy shopping on Sunday. Just wandering ard the city. Bought a gift for my buddy's Kris Kringle. And for Darien's KK as well. Did some wrapping at home while chatting to him abt stuff.

We were meant to go for a really nice dinner on Sun nite but I told D that since we r spending a heap this xmas season... it might be best to save it for a later date. Anyway I think we are spending Valentine's Day in SG next year. So I was telling him that we cld possibly organize a dinner @ Morton's Steakhouse or maybe somewhere in Fullerton. But we'll see how it goes.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Close Call

So I've bought the gift! and it was fabulous! haha...

Yesterday, @ 5 o'clock on the dot, I flew out of the office... rushing to meet my friend so that we could get to that store by 5.20. Had to make sure that I have weighed the options in my head but still it was a little confusing and in the end... I think I knew what I needed to get.

At 20 past five, we got to the destination... after harassing the salesman for what I needed... I got what I needed and we left...

I can't go too much into details now cos it's another week to Christmas... but I think I had a good deal... bought a cool add on for him as well.

Went to Ikea to buy the wrapping paper last night and got to work with all the gifts when I got home. I managed to wrap three of them... and just when I was wrappin' his prezzie in the room, he decided that he wanted to come in. Had to hold off @ the door and told him that he can't come in. Haha... but I've done my hiding already... Hopefully he won't be able to find it.

All I can say is that I want to see that element of surprise on his face when he opens it....Can't wait for Christmas to come!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Closing in on Christmas

It's been a fairly non-exciting week for me... The only two activities that are going through my mind are christmas shopping and working out how to hit my target at work.

Had the weirdest feeling in my tummy yesterday and I just kept going to the washroom at work... At the end of the day, I was feeling so weak that I couldn't pull myself to go to the gym and had to get Darien to pick me up and send me home. He banned me from eating chicken rice that night and I had to settle for some soupy stuff.

Anyway it's almost Christmas... and things are slowing down at work. But I must say that I am pretty proud of what I achieved in this pathetic month. Got an sms from my boss after reaching home today. This was what it said, "Hi Pam-just totalled up your sale, well done-your contribution was significant for the team. Thank you for all your great work. Have a great nite" So that made my nite so so much betta...

While the boyfriend is out in the living room laughing at "Friends", I've finally worked out the gift for him... Hopefully it would turn out well. Otherwise, someone's head is going to be on the firing line. And by that, I mean the guy who took my order over the phone.

But something that made me ponder today... met my ex housemate for lunch and he mentioned something about commitment. I guess it is a four letter word for him -FEAR. After being single for 3 years... he started seeing this korean chick three weeks ago... Things are going great but he doesn't want the commitment thing. Cos' he's too self sufficient and it's still too new for him to say if he wants to be with her exclusively or not. But hey! the sex is good so no one is really complaining @ this point in time.

Anyway, things are good at this point. Apparently, on Christmas eve, the last day @ work, the whole department is going for a nice Chrissy brekkie and then we'll head home after that! Man... I do love my job...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Tis' the Season to be Jolly...

The time has come for the drinks to flow and the bellies to grow... It's the Christmas party season!!!

I've always heard that corporate Xmas parties are notoriously crazy. Loads of Booze and food as well as the laughter that comes along. And Telstra has always been know for their insane budgets for the parties... And everything that I heard was, lo and behold, true!

We had our Christmas drinks for our department on friday @ Icon bar down at Flinders Lane. Free flow of champers, wines, spirits & finger food. Had heaps of fun, just hanging out with the guys and just watchig silly people dancing (& stripping) on the bar top.

Sat nite was spent at the party of the gym that my bf works in. Good chance to get to see how fitness instructors behave out of their regular element. Started the night just hangin by Darien's side as I knew no one there. But gradually started to talk to a couple of guys and it turned out to be a rather good night. Spennt some time talking to this cute instructor, soft brown hair and nice bod, but as it turns out, he has a gay partner whom he has been with for the last 4 years. He was really sweet when he spoke about his relationship. I could tell that this would probably last for quite a while.

It just felt like the weekend just zoomed through... we went to yum cha with Darien's childhood friend today cos' he's flew in yesterday. We then went to shop around in the city. ZP was just telling us about his SQ flight experience and his ambition to be a pilot, which I hope would come true for him. He's such a nice guy and not bad looking too... After dropping him @ the hotel, I went back home to rest while Darien went to play soccer with the guys. Had my ex housemate popped by for a while and then my good friend came over for dinner. We cooked Korean food tonight... After all that chit chat and laughter... plus the clearing up after dinner... we had some tea before watching tv....

So that was my weekend... Can't wait for my Christmas break to come!!! 10 loooooooong days to RnR...

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Expected Changes

Was just thinking about how my life unfolded and I swear it's not how I thought it was meant to be... never did I think that I would be in the place that I am today.

Went for lunch with a new colleague today and he was just telling me about his impending wedding that is going to happen in next Feb. He met his fiancee about two years ago and after spending some time apart, they realized that this is it. It was so sweet how he was telling me his love story.

That started to make me ponder on the subject of forever. How does one know when this is it. That you are willing to forsake every other available option to be with this person for the rest of your life.

After reading that report about couples divorcing becos of the different expectations seemed to have put things into perspective. That sometimes after saying "I do", you might realize that some don'ts would continue to be in the picture. It's not to say that I don't believe in forever but I believe that if you cannot come to an agreement about what you deem acceptable of the other person in your life, before you get wed. Maybe getting married is not the right way to go.

I guess I'm rather sceptical about the whole concept that Singaporeans have of marriages. At this stage in life, where some of your friends are either married or thinking about doing it, it's not unusual to ask them why they are taking the plunge. A friend mentioned that there's nothing else to be done in the relationship, so getting married was the next step to put some romance back into the picture. Another one mentioned that since they've been together for a number of years... it seemed like the next logical step to do.

I guess after living with my partner for the last two over years, I seem to have a different view of marriage. I'd reckon that it does not make a difference to me now cos after being together for this period, we have a shared life as well as expenses and chores. And after setting up home here @ docklands. It just feels like we're pretty comfortable with the other party's livin' habits. We've never fought about the mess nor the fact that we both squeeze different parts of the tooth paste... It just seemed to come naturally. Sometimes I like to be alone, just indulging in some quiet time. And there are times when Darien just wants to play his computer games. I'd think we are in a good place right now...

I believe that we would get wed one day, maybe a couple of years down the road, but deep down I know that he's already going to be here for the rest of life... unless something unexpected pops up! But till then, I'm just going to concentrate on building my career and living life as full as I can...

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Ups and Downs

Had a rather interestin' day today... Received an email from my dear old pal, Ms Debbie Chia, this morning. Haven't heard from her for about seven months already so that was a really pleasant surprise for me...

Work was okie today. Had couple of good sales coming through and got a pretty positive lead that seems highly likely to proceed before Christmas... This pretty much means that if thing are going well... I would hopefully get a good comm so that I got extra $ to spend in Singapore when I head back in January.

Was telling Darien today that I don't seem to spend much time with him lately. With all the moving, working and different sleeping time... it felt like we are living parallel lives. He's been taking on so many extra classes lately that he hasn't had time to catch his breath. Poor babe...

It felt like a million years ago when we just got together... From the romantic beginnings to being life partners, it felt like we've come a long way. He is so much more than just my boyfriend now. To me, he's like a companion, friend, some one there to hold me when I'm scared and the first person that I call for anything good or bad...Not forgetting that he's the daddy of our adorable mutt, Rustie. I think I've come to see that he's playing a bigger role in my life than what I first expected. He's someone who's strong enough to be by my side regardless of the situation...

So, Babe, if you are ever reading this... this is my ode to you... and yes... I do appreciate the things that you do for me...